Escape to Paradise: The Ritz Village Willemstad Curaçao Awaits!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into a review of a hotel, and trust me, my opinions are as unpredictable as a toddler with a bag of jellybeans. This isn't some sterile, corporate brochure; this is real talk about a stay that could be amazing, or a complete clown show.
Let's start with the basics, then wander off the beaten path, because that's just how I roll.
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag (Like My Closet)
Alright, let's be real. Accessibility is HUGELY important, and honestly, I have to give the hotel a bit of a side-eye here. While they say they have facilities for disabled guests, and there is an elevator (thank the heavens!), the specific details are…vague. Wheelchair accessible? Okay, how accessible? Are the restaurants a maze of tiny tables and tight turns? Is the pool ramp-adjacent, or are you left stranded, watching everyone else have fun? This needs serious clarification. The lack of concrete info makes me nervous. It's a big "maybe" with a side of "call ahead and double-check."
Internet: Gotta Have It (Especially for Cat Videos)
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! YES! Give it to me. Now, I can't live without Wi-Fi. My life revolves around it.
- Internet [LAN] okay, a bit antiquated, but hey, good for those old-school gamers.
- Internet services - good. I hope this includes tech support in cases of need!
- Wi-Fi in public areas: Essential. Because, you know, the world needs to know my travel updates.
Cleanliness and Safety: My Anxiety Central
Listen. I'm a bit of a germophobe. The state of the world's got me on edge, and while I'm on holiday, I need to relax. The hotel must provide measures to ensure I am feeling secure in a clean environment.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Phew, okay, that's a good start.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Good.
- Hand sanitizer: Essential. Like air.
- Hygiene certification: Fantastic.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Smart. Less chance of the dreaded buffet buffet.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Necessary
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: YES.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: I appreciate the choice.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: This is the bare minimum but still crucial.
- Safe dining setup: Crucial for my mental and physical well-being!
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Important.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Excellent.
- Sterilizing equipment: good.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Fueling the Adventure (or Meltdown) This is where things get interesting. Food = life.
- A la carte in restaurant: That's a good start, but I also want options!!
- Alternative meal arrangement: good.
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: Hello, yum!
- Bar, Poolside bar: Cheers to that!
- Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service: I need a buffet, and I need it now. I live to eat.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop: Double win!
- Desserts in restaurant: Triple win!
- Happy hour: Please, yes!
- International cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast and dining in restaurant: YES.
- Room service [24-hour]: Essential for those midnight snack attacks (or emotional breakdowns).
- Snack bar: Score!
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter (Seriously)
- Air conditioning in public area: Vital, especially if you're somewhere hot!
- Business facilities: Meh, not my priority.
- Cash withdrawal: Useful, but I prefer to use cards.
- Concierge: A lifesaver for booking tours and getting restaurant recommendations.
- Contactless check-in/out: Please and thank you. Less human contact, the better.
- Convenience store: Good for snacks, water, and emergency supplies.
- Currency exchange: Always handy.
- Daily housekeeping: Yes, please! My inner slob needs help.
- Doorman: A nice touch of class.
- Dry cleaning, Ironing service, Laundry service: Score!
- Elevator: Crucial.
- Food delivery: good.
- Gift/souvenir shop: Always fun to browse.
- Luggage storage: Needs to be secure and easy to access.
- Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, On-site event hosting, Seminars: not relevant to me.
- Safety deposit boxes: Essential for peace of mind.
- Terrace: A nice place to chill.
- Xerox/fax in business center: Again, meh.
For the Kids: Because Happy Kids = Happy Adults (usually)
- Babysitting service: Fantastic.
- Family/child-friendly, Kids facilities: Good.
- Kids meal: Excellent.
Getting Around: Let's Get Moving!
- Airport transfer: Always a plus.
- Bicycle parking: good
- Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site]: essential
- Taxi service, Valet parking: fine.
Available in all rooms: The Nitty Gritty
- Air conditioning: Essential.
- Alarm clock: Good.
- Bathrobes: fancy.
- Bathtub: love it.
- Blackout curtains: YES! Sleep is sacred.
- Closet: Must have.
- Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea: A must.
- Daily housekeeping: YES!
- Desk, Laptop workspace: good.
- Free bottled water: a must.
- Hair dryer: Required.
- High floor: I prefer a high floor for better views.
- In-room safe box: Good.
- Internet access – wireless, Wi-Fi [free]: YES!
- Ironing facilities: Handy.
- Mini bar: fun.
- Non-smoking: Good.
- Private bathroom, Shower: standard.
- Reading light: necessary for night time reading!
- Refrigerator: good
- Satellite/cable channels: Good.
- Seating area: Nice.
- Slippers: nice.
- Smoke detector: essential.
- Socket near the bed: Very good.
- Sofa: lovely.
- Soundproofing: Essential for a good night’s sleep.
- Telephone: Useful.
- Toiletries: good.
- Towels: a must.
- Umbrella: I need an umbrella.
- Wake-up service: Good.
- Window that opens: Fresh air, yes please.
Things to do, ways to relax, Spa and Wellness facilities
Here's where the hotel could really shine. A pool with a view? Sauna? Spa? Yes please! I'm looking for escape, self-care and a chance to recharge.
- Body scrub, Body wrap: Yes!
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: good.
- Foot bath: interesting.
- Massage: Yes!
- Pool with view: Yes, if it's as gorgeous as it sounds.
- Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: All of the above, please.
Getting Around: The Logistics
- Airport transfer: Always a plus, especially when you're jet-lagged and grumpy.
- Bicycle parking: If you're into that, great.
- Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: Options are always good.
Now, for the REALLY honest part… Where the Hotel COULD Fall Flat
Okay, here's the deal. While there's a lot to like here (especially all the spa stuff!), the lack of specifics on accessibility makes me nervous. I'd need detailed information on the accessibility features before I booked. It's a gamble, and I hate gambling when it comes to vacations.
And honestly? The tone of the hotel descriptions can be a bit… generic. They list a lot of features, but do they deliver on them? Saying you have a spa is one thing; having a spa that's actually relaxing, with skilled therapists and a serene atmosphere, is another.
I want to hear about the experience. Tell me about the *smell
Escape to Atacama's Oasis: Takha Takha Hotel & Camping Magic!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't going to be your perfectly Instagram-filtered Curacao trip. This is gonna be the real deal, the sticky-fingered, sunburn-on-your-butt, "did I just lose my passport?" version. This is The Ritz Village, Willemstad, with all its glory and glorious chaos, according to yours truly.
The Ritz Village Romp: A Curacao Catastrophe (But a Good One, Probably)
Day 1: Arrival & Accidental Island Time
- 9:00 AM (ish): Arrive at Curacao International Airport (CUR). Let’s just say I’m not a morning person. Delayed flight from… somewhere. Already running late. Vague sense of impending doom, mostly because I probably didn’t pack enough sunscreen.
- 9:45 AM: Immigration. Okay, I did it! I got through immigration, my passport, still clutched in sticky hands.
- 10:30 AM: Taxi to The Ritz Village. The driver, a portly fellow with a grin that could melt glaciers, kept calling me "Sunshine." "Sunshine, you're gonna love it here! But the traffic… it moves at its own speed." He wasn't kidding. I swear he stopped to chat with a dog for five minutes. This is island time, baby!
- 11:30 AM: Check-in at The Ritz Village. The lobby is… gorgeous. A little too gorgeous, honestly. Makes me feel like I should be wearing pearls and have a monocle. Reception desk is a bit chaotic. There are families, people arguing about room keys and some kids are running around like they own this place. Which maybe they do, I don't know, I just hope my room is ready. And has a decent shower. And air conditioning.
- 12:00 PM: Get the room, it does indeed have those three things! Unpack the essentials (swimsuit, sunscreen, emergency snacks - my go-to is always a bag of crisps). This unpacking felt like a strategic operation, making sure the crisps were safe, the swimsuit was easily accessible, and I kept my passport tucked away.
- 1:00 PM: Wander around. I found the pool! It looks… inviting. I also stumbled upon a hidden little cafe. Decided to try some local delicacy and order something called “Karni stoba”. I think I actually made a grimace.
- 2:00PM: Lunchtime: Karni Stoba was pretty alright. But my stomach felt weird after the first bite. Took a while to eat.
- 3:00 PM: Poolside chill session. Sun! Water! Sigh. Needed this. Tried to read. Got distracted by a lizard. Lost myself in the sun for two hours.
- 5:00 PM: "Happy Hour" at the bar. Ordered a cocktail with way too much rum. Met a woman from Ohio who kept talking about her cats. Managed to not spill the drink on me. Success?
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at the hotel restaurant. Overpriced but the view was amazing. Tried the catch of the day. Felt a little too full.
Day 2: Diving Deep (Into My Fears and the Ocean)
- 8:00 AM: Failed attempt at a decent breakfast. I still don't think I properly functioned this early in the morning.
- 9:00 AM: SCUBA diving lesson. (terrified yet excited). I've always been a bit of a scaredy-cat when it comes to deep water. But hey, YOLO, right? The instructor, a tanned dude with the name "Aqua Man" (apparently), was shockingly patient with my near-panic attacks. The sea, however, it was beautiful.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. The adrenaline has made me starving. More crisps, obviously.
- 1:00 PM: Actual diving! I had to do it. I went under. The corals! The fish! The sheer… silence. It was amazing. I was so focused on not drowning that I almost forgot to breathe.
- 2:30 PM: Post-dive relaxation. Went to the spa and got a massage. The masseuse was this tiny woman. And she somehow made my muscles melt to butter.
- 4:00 PM: Free time.
- 6:00 PM: Found a local food cart and bought some "pastechi". Was delicious!
- 7:00 PM: Watch the sunset while getting the last bits of my time.
Day 3: Willemstad Wonders and a Meltdown
- 9:00 AM: Breakfast. Took a while.
- 10:00 AM: Explore Willemstad. Checked out the pastel-colored buildings that made the city. Took a million photos, of course.
- 12:00 PM: Found a great little shop selling handmade souvenirs. Bought way too many things. Probably spent too much money. But who cares?
- 1:00 PM: Lunch at a local restaurant in Punda. Local delicacy was good.
- 2:00 PM: Walking around.
- 3:00 PM: Walked across the Emma pontoon bridge. So cool!
- 4:00 PM: Okay, meltdown. I was walking and walking, it was way too hot, I realised I couldn’t find my favourite sunglasses. Started panicking. Sat on a bench and cried for five minutes. Then had a huge ice cream.
- 6:00 PM: Found my sunglasses. They were in my bag the whole time. Facepalm.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at a fancy restaurant, but still feeling slightly fragile. Ordered comfort food.
Day 4: Sun, Sand, and… Sadness?
- 9:00 AM: Beach day on Mambo beach. Spent hours swimming, sunbathing, and generally trying to achieve maximum relaxation. Succeeding.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch at a beach bar. Fish tacos. Perfection.
- 1:00 PM: Snorkelling. Saw a sea turtle! Felt like I'd seen a unicorn. Pure joy.
- 3:00 PM: Back to sunbathing. Started thinking about going home. Started to get a little sad about the trip ending. (Yeah, I’m a total sap.)
- 5:00 PM: Pre-dinner, walked around the resort.
- 7:00 PM: Ate dinner and went to bed.
Day 5: Departure & The Aftermath (aka, Wishing I Was Still There)
- 7:00 AM: Last breakfast. Tried, again, to eat healthily. Failed.
- 8:00 AM: Check-out. Heartbreak. Said goodbye to the beautiful view.
- 9:00 AM: Taxi to the airport. Said goodbye to my driver, "Sunshine".
- 10:00 AM: Airport chaos. Security lines, souvenir shopping, a desperate attempt to find a decent coffee.
- 12:00 PM: Flight. Started planning my return trip before we even took off.
- Now: Home. Jet-lagged. Sunburnt. Missing Curacao something fierce. Already planning my next adventure.
This trip wasn't perfect. There were tears, tantrums, and moments where I questioned my life choices. But it was mine. And that, my friends, is what counts. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat my last bag of crisps and dream of coral reefs.
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Villa in Bali Awaits!
So, like, I lost my car keys. *Again*. Is there a support group for this?
Oh honey, YES. You're talking my language. I swear, I could write a PhD thesis on the psychology of car key loss (and maybe I already have, hidden in the recesses of my brain). Seriously though? Probably not a formal support group *just* for car keys. But you’ll find *plenty* of sympathizers. We're a whole messy tribe! We understand the immediate panic, the frantic pat-down of every pocket (even the ones you *know* are empty), and the slow, creeping dread that settles in when you realize… they’re gone. It's like a mini-breakdown every single time. I once spent *three hours* tearing apart my entire apartment, convinced they *had* to be there somewhere. Turns out, they were in the fridge. Yes, the *fridge*. Don’t ask.
Okay, deep breaths. Where's the *most* likely place I've left them? (Because I'm sure it's somewhere incredibly dumb.)
Alright, don't beat yourself up. We've all been there. Let's break this down. The *most* likely places are probably these:
- Inside the Car: Duh. Glove box, center console, under the seat. Check every crevice.
- Your Usual Places: Keys are creatures of habit. Think: bedside table, hook by the door, that random bowl you dump everything into.
- Pockets of Clothes You Wore Recently: This one is a classic. Check every jacket, pair of jeans, even that weird sweater you only wear when you're feeling existential.
- The Last Place You Remember Using Them: This is often a wild goose chase, but worth a shot. Grocery store? Gas station? My personal favorite for forgetting? Anywhere that required me to carry something else... *like my groceries*. Oops.
Is it *always* my fault? I mean, could someone have *taken* them? Like, a key thief?
Okay, this is where the paranoia starts to creep in, am I right? First, take a deep breath. Key theft is *possible*, but usually, it's far less exciting than a supervillain plot. Nine times out of ten, it's you. It's us. We're the problem. But, let's be realistic...
- Suspicious Circumstances? Did you leave your keys by your door while you were running an errand? Or on the counter at a busy coffee shop? If you've genuinely got a reason to worry – and you feel like you do – then yeah, investigate. Call the police. Lock your car.
- Rogue housemates? Is there anyone living in your home, who has a history of, shall we say, *borrowing* things without asking?
What should I do if I’ve searched everywhere and still can't find them???
Okay, this is the DESPAIR stage. This is the point where you start questioning your sanity, your life choices, and whether or not you should just move to Tibet and become a yak herder. Been there. Done that. (Okay, not the yak herding, but you get the point.) Here's the next level of action:
- Retrace Your Steps (Again): Yes, I know. Ugh. But do it. Think *really* hard. Where did you go? What did you do? Did you actually *use* the keys at any of those places? Seriously.
- Call Those Places: Grocery stores, restaurants, gas stations, the lost-and-found at the gym… call them all. The universe *might* be kind.
- Check Your Backup Key (If You Have One): Hopefully, you have a spare. Seriously, if you don’t, now is the time to get one. Having a spare key is like having a secret weapon against the key-loss monster. Except, it’s probably hidden in a safe place, because *you* are smarter than me, right?
- Consider New Keys or Reprogram Your Car: If you're convinced they're, like, gone-gone, or you're worried about security and your car has smart keys, you *really* should get new keys. Call your car dealer or locksmith for this. And, be prepared for the sticker shock. Ouch.
Should I actually replace my keys and get a new set?
This depends. Are you a worry wart, like me, or do you just hope for the best and roll with it?
- If you *suspect* they were stolen, or you think your car could be at risk, then YES. Get new keys, immediately. Call your car dealership or a locksmith. You'll probably need to reprogram any key fobs, too. It's a pain, but peace of mind is worth it.
- If you keep losing keys a lot (again, like me), then your "lost key" habit is an inherent part of your personality. Replace your keys. And *maybe* invest in an AirTag or Tile tracker. This will save you a lot of time, money, and sanity.
- If you've just misplaced them and are *sure* you'll find them, or it's unlikely your keys are at risk, and you're on a budget, and you're feeling lucky and don't want to shell out for a replacement, then you *might* be fine just waiting. But be prepared for it to happen again.
Personal rant: When I replaced my keys the last time, I actually *found* the original ones a week later. In my sock drawer. Yeah. I felt like I was starring in my own terrible comedy special. It was humiliating, and I also learned a valuable lesson: always check your sock drawer. That is all.
